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Mentoring: the secret of personal growth
Mentoring is… a bit of a scary word really… What does it mean? Why should I tell people the things I find difficult to talk about? What gives anyone the right to speak into my life? Can’t everything just stay between me and God – isn’t that enough?
Well … the first reason is that it’s the biblical example. The bible is full of examples where mentoring takes place – Ruth and Naomi, Elijah and Elisha, Moses and Joshua , Paul and Timothy and of course, Jesus and his disciples.
What’s going on in each of these relationships? What does mentoring mean?
What is mentoring?
It can mean many different things, but this is the definition that Eugene Peterson (who wrote the Message translation) has written and is the type of thing we are wanting to encourage:-
Mentoring “takes place when two people agree to give attention to what God is doing in one (or both) of their lives and seek to respond in faith” or in other words “promoting the work of God in the life of another”.
At its simplest, then, it’s about opening your life up to someone else, so that they can encourage you to develop spiritually in God, and help you to be accountable in the areas of your life that you want to change.
Mentoring is used elsewhere – in the world of work, in sport, and in areas which are much more specific such as learning a skill. These are all valid, but the way we are using the term here is much more as a simple journeying along one with another.
Secondly, you can share things with God but then not really do anything about it. But if you tell someone else, and bring it to God together, then you can’t hide so easily from acting on it. That’s why James 5.16 says:
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.”
[Or as paraphrased in The Message, “Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.” ]
You see, there is a spiritual principle at work in this. Speaking things out loud to someone else (confession) is a powerful thing. When we speak out the hidden things in our hearts we allow God’s light to flood into them and bring them out of the darkness. It means then that we are much more likely to make good choices that will lead to change and growth.
Encouraging community
Thirdly, it brings us closer together as a community and gives us opportunities to grow in the giftings God has given each of us to serve each other with.
The more we are honest and open with each other, the more we will build trust and deeper relationships so that the church becomes a community where we feel we belong and want to invite others. It will lead to richer relationships based on grace, truth and love where we ‘believe the best’ in each other and encourage each other to grow and develop. As we mentor someone else it will also give us opportunities to grow in our own giftings and to allow someone’s life to challenge our own life as well.
"Mentoring is the third most powerful relationship for influencing human behaviour, after marriage and the extended family”
Uncommon Individual Foundation
“When we consider the fragmentation of the family, the speed of change demanding the constant learning of new skills, and our mobile society separating extended family members, the need for mentoring increases ... we often forget how powerful it is when someone believes in us.”
Randy MacFarland, Training and Mentoring, Denver Seminary
What might it look like?
It might look like two people meeting for coffee once a month or so where: a person is willing to disclose to the other how life is going, their struggles and weaknesses; where they feel God is leading them; areas He’s highlighting that need dealing with and then praying into some of those areas. It will work best when it’s intentional ie. we agree this is what we are talking about and we (the person being mentored) spends a bit of time thinking ahead about the sort of things we want to discuss. Honesty and commitment to wanting to grow and to change are also key. Most importantly, it works better than anything else when we know that the person mentoring us is ‘for us’ and wants the best for us.
So what can I do to start?
- Find someone you think could be a mentor-type person for you and ask them if they would be interested. They could be a close friend, someone in your small group, or someone you don’t know that well but have seen around church and think you would get on with. If you don’t know where to start or want to ask for help then talk to your small group leader or cluster leader. If you don’t have one of those come and have a chat with one of the ministry team instead and then get yourself connected to a cluster and small group as well! Consider even having more than one person as it’s good to have a variety of voices speaking into your life. We always need to be aware of not becoming dependant on one person, only on God. You could use the questions on the lifechoices insert each week as a basis. Beyond this ask me if you would like other questions that are good for mentoring relationships.
- Look out for people to whom you could be a mentor figure. You don’t have to have been a Christian for 30 years to be one! You simply need to love Jesus, want the best for people and be willing to spend a bit of time on a regular basis listening to and praying for someone. We should all aim to have both someone we give time to, and someone who gives time to us. If something comes up that you feel out of your depth with, then don’t think you have to cope on your own. At those times its good to go to one of the ministry team or your cluster leader to talk about it and maybe signpost the person to more specialised help if they need it. Equally, if someone needs training in an area that you’re not gifted in, then you can suggest someone who can coach them in that area. You’re a journeying friend not a superhero who has to have the answer to everything!
- If you’d like to know more then there are some Living the Life sessions - Mentoring: The Secret of Personal Growth - coming up on Tuesday evenings that you can join in –
- Tuesday 2 March – on what it means to be mentored
- Tuesday 23 March – on what it means to mentor someone else
- Tuesday 30 March – an open forum for anyone already involved to share good practice and encouragement.
Contact: Ali Summers |
Ali Summers, 26/02/2010 |
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